our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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