You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
