Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
