i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
