Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
