I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
