The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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