White coat. Heels.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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