We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
