Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
