The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
