nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
