Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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