allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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