Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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