I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just invented taco cereal.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
