Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
