Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
