dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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