is your mom at the bar?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
