i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
