literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
