I think im going to throw up on grandma
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
