i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
