let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
