Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
