Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
