ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
