How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
