she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
