quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
