Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
