Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
