you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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