They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You may now shotgun with the bride
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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