After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Operation Purity has been aborted
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
