I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
