Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
