4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
