My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
