You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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