3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
