Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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