Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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