I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
