are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
