pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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