the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
