I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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