Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I didn't notice because vodka
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
