I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
