I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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