She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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