i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
